SMと女王を選んだ理由

SMとは

女王とは何だろうか

なぜ

私はこの業が深い世界に

女王という在り方に

これほどまでに心を奪われたのか

誰かに崇め奉られたいと

思ったからだろうか？

――違う

加虐を愉しみたかったのか？

――それも違う

おそらく私は

儚く、脆く、心震える存在を

包み込み、導き、支えながら

自らの「強さ」を手に入れたかった

私も弱かったから

そして

もし私という存在がこの世から消え去っても

私の在り方だけは

誰かの記憶の中に残り続け

心の灯火となるように

それこそが

私の思う「永遠の愛」

愛を

もう一度

信じたかったから

人と人が

言葉ではなく心で向き合い

逃げずに、誤魔化さずに

心の深層まで

手を伸ばすことでしか得られない

真の信頼

私はその真理にたどり着くために

SMと女王という象徴を選んだ

人は

あまりにも繊細で

理性を持つがゆえに

欲望と恐れ

愛と執着の狭間で容易に揺らぎ

築いた信頼さえも

たった一瞬で崩してしまう

けれど――

壊れたとしても

私たちは

また一から築き上げることができる

時間をかけて

心を重ねて

それが

人という存在の儚さと強さの両面

SMは決して簡単な世界ではない

美しくも残酷で

優しさと厳しさが紙一重で混在する

業の深い道

だが

だからこそ

その世界で心を通わせることに

私は人生を賭ける価値があると思う

そして

ひとつ忘れてはならない真実がある

自分本意な女王には

誰も着いてこない

支配とは

命令ではなく共鳴

力とは

押しつけるものではなく支えるもの

信頼とは

奪うものではなく共に築くもの

そうでなければ

それはただの孤高でしかない

私が求めるのは

孤独な支配者ではなく

心を預け合える

魂の伴走者であること

それが

私の信じる「女王」

私も道半ば

一歩ずつ歩んでいく

-----

What is SM?

What does it mean to be a Queen?

Why...

have I been so deeply drawn to this world

steeped in shadows and longing—

to this way of being called “Queen”?

Was it because I wished to be worshipped?

—No, that was never the reason.

Was it for the thrill of cruelty?

—No… not that either.

Perhaps...

it was because I longed

to gather the fragile, trembling hearts of others,

to wrap them in my presence,

to guide them, protect them—

and in doing so,

to discover my own strength.

Because I, too, have known weakness.

And even if I were to vanish from this world,

if my body were to fade—

I wished for my way of being

to live on in someone’s memory,

to remain as a quiet flame in their heart.

That, to me,

is what I call eternal love.

Because I wanted…

to believe in love

once more.

A love that is not spoken—

but felt.

Where two souls face each other

without fleeing, without falsehood.

And only by reaching deep into the other’s core

can true trust be born.

To reach that truth,

I chose the path of SM—

and the symbol of the Queen.

Humans are so terribly delicate.

Because we possess reason,

we are swayed—

by desire and fear,

by love and attachment.

Even the deepest trust

can be shattered

in a single careless moment.

And yet—

even if it breaks,

we can rebuild.

From the beginning.

With time,

with care,

with heart.

That is both the fragility

and the strength

of being human.

SM is never an easy world.

It is beautiful and cruel,

a narrow path where tenderness and severity

walk hand in hand.

A path marked by karma,

not to be tread lightly.

And perhaps—

that is why

sharing true connection within it

is worth devoting my life to.

But there is one truth I must never forget:

A Queen who is self-serving

will be followed by no one.

Dominance is not command,

but resonance.

Power is not something to force,

but to uphold.

Trust is not something to steal,

but to build—together.

Without this,

a Queen becomes nothing more

than a lonely figure upon a throne of silence.

What I seek

is not the solitude of control,

but a companion of souls—

someone with whom

hearts can be entrusted,

freely, fearlessly.

That…

is the Queen I strive to be.

And though I am still

on this path,

I walk it—

one step at a time.